Funny 50th Birthday Joke List

• You’ll never have to endure those harrowing visits to the dentist again.
• You’ll save a fortune on shampoo.
• Your hernia operation will make you a star at the local pub.
• You will look distinguished with your receding hairline, double chin and wrinkles.
• You have survived the humiliation of middle age.
• You’ll no longer have to suffer the disappointment of thwarted ambitions – you no longer have any.
• You can finally sell those dreadful diet and exercise books that have sat unopened on the bookshelf for years.
• You’ll be the champ at history questions in the pub quiz.
• You can embarrass your family by entering glamorous granny or good-looking grandfather competitions.
• You don’t need to make an effort anymore – people will expect you to be frumpy, boring and cantankerous.
• Your failing memory allows you to convince yourself that you’re a super sex machine.
• You’ll be able to talk incessantly about the good old days.
• Your failing eyesight saves you the anguish of seeing your disintegrating body.

Funny Jokes 60th Birthday List

Top 10 Signs That You Are 60 Years Old

1.When you sleep, people worry you’re dead.
2.Your back goes out more than you do.
3.Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and aren’t breaking any laws.
4.You wear black socks with sandals.
5.When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
6.It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
7.Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
8.You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
9.Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.
10.You forgot that you already had your 60th birthday.

Awful Mother Kids Birthday Joke

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.

"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."

"That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."

Young Kids Party Birthday Joke

A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked.

'It's my birthday!' he cried. 'And I had a bicycle and new sneakers and this afternoon theres a party with chips and jelly and a birthday cake and a jumping castle afterwards. . .' and he had to
stop talking because he was crying so hard.

'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?'

'Because I'm lost!'

Bad Birthday Present for Wife Joke

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."

You can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.

She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"

He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"

What Do You Want for Your Birthday Joke

The man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"

She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning.

Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets.

At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"